For those that have to go through it, this must be one of their least favourite times of year - tax return season. In France they don't have "pay as you earn" or whatever it's since been rebranded as, so each year you have to fill in your tax return. Apparently, the reason they do this is that as you fill in the form you become more aware of what it means to be a citizen and the work the state does. Obviously, it has nothing whatsoever to do with the thousands of civil service jobs in the Finance ministry, all unionised to the hilt, that would disappear if they ever reformed the system. No no good Lord no, no link there at all.

My tax return, as a single employee with no children or dribbling relatives "a charge", was always extremely simple. Assuming I hadn't done anything adventurous like move house in the previous year, all I had to do was fill in one number in one box, sign at the bottom and post it back. Despite this, I always remember feeling a tad depressed when, one evening in March, I would come home from work and find "that envelope" lurking in the usual pile of cheap adverts for health clubs and African soothsayers. This year of course was different, and I'm not refering to the lack of junk mail here.

Obviously I came to Bangladesh prepared. I knew I had a French tax return to fill in this year, and that with a bit of luck it would be my last. Actually, the way things have gone lately I'll need a piece of luck the size of Norway but fingers crossed eh? Sooo, before flying to Dhaka last October (6 months already chaps - can you believe it?) I scanned various official documents and wage slips to have all the usual information ready at my disposal. I was, you see, quietly confident that it wouldn't be that big a deal as even the French tax authorities have embraced that modern wonder that is the Internet. Yes friends, even in France, honest citizens like myself can do their tax returns on line, and the braver amongst them can pay there as well. Alas, it was not to be.

Before I get into the excrutiating details of what I've been through these last few weeks I ask you to bear in mind my description of what I have to do each time I need to get to the Internet. That narrative often has a happy ending with me being able to surf a while, but that's not always the case. Anyway, here's my story.

To use the French tax website you have to register and obtain an electronic certificate. Nothing odd or unreasonable there, and I even already had one from a few years back. It turns out that these things have a "Return taxes by" date and mine was past it, so I needed to re-register on their site. To do this you need a variety of references from various official tax documents - most I had but one I didn't. At this point I call upon the help of the guardian of my affairs in the UK i.e. my Mum. Credit where credit is due, and without once grumbling or getting it wrong, she went through my immaculately filed and labelled archives (I can hear some of you sniggering), found, scanned and e-mailed all the documents that even remotely ressembled those I needed. Eventually, I have all I need and I attack the website.

It doesn't work. Maybe I misentered something so I try again. And again. And again. Bollocks, it doesn't work. I can't get in. I check the small print in a window I spot at the bottom of the screen. Sure enough, there are indeed certain categories of "declarants" that cannot use the web site and I'm in one of them. You'd have thought that people living abroad would want to use the site the most but obviously that opinion didn't get much of a hearing when the stuffed suits in Bercy (where the Finance ministry is in Paris) designed the bloody thing. Not to worry for as usual I have a plan B, and it is a simple one. I can fax the form to Paris and not bother with the Internet at all. To get the form in time I just need my Mum to scan and e-mail the whole thing to me, then I'll print it, fill in "the box", sign and fax it off. Can't fail.

The plan starts well - my Dad e-mails the document back within a day or so. The document he sends is 2MB so I can't copy it onto a disquette. Not a problem as I can just print it straight off and get on with filling it in. Errr, don't think much of the quality of the document once printed, and it'll look even worse once it's gone through a fax. And what's this small print on the form talking about also filling in form 2042 NR if you've earned anything since leaving France? I've never heard of form 2042 NR and I certainly didn't receive one. Not good, not good at all, and the clock is ticking. Actually, I'm already past the deadline (end of March) but you get extra time when you're in Asia. But they think I live in England, it says so on my form. Bugger. OK, so plan C it is then.

Plan C involves going back to the tax web site in search of this infamous form 2042 NR, downloading it, and then seeing what I can do with it. This part goes well as all the different forms are indeed available, and in a variety of, dare I say, user-friendly formats? As I study the form a thought accurs to me - I didn't receive any French revenue after I left the country anyway. I was paid some money before I left but AFTER I filled in my provisional "fill this in or you can't leave the country" 2003 tax return, but that doesn't seem to be an issue here. So, my new view is that I don't actually need 2042 NR afterall but that I do need a clean version of the standard one to fax it. Hang on, if 2042 NR is on the site then surely so is the standard one I need? There it is, and it prints like a dream! You beauty!! We're back in business.

Let me recap. I've now finally, finally got hold of the right tax form and I have all the information I need to fill it in. In fact I have 2 copies of the form as I usually make a pig's ear of the first one, and sure enough this year is no exception. Anyway, I have the form and I've hopefully filled it in correctly. Next I need to fax it to my tax office in Paris, and I've already had an e-mail from them confirming their fax number so no worries there. Now it's just a simple matter of finding a fax machine that works and can send to France. Well, the fax in BRIF doesn't work, nor does the one at Plan where I use the Internet. Actually, the phone shops in the local village don't have a fax, nor does the nearest town where the bus stop is. And neither, according to Habib, does Saidpur, which is the next nearest and a fairly big town by most people's standards. That leaves Dinajpur which is at least 40 minutes away by bus or motorbike.

So Monday afternoon, tax documents strapped to my back, I get a lift on a motorbike with Habib to Dinajpur to finally send in my tax return. He recommends a place he's used to send documents to Singapore recently, and sure enough it looks pretty good and they speak good English. Apart from one slight glitch mid-transmission which we solve, the documents are faxed without too much fuss, though the 300 tk bill for 5 pages leaves a nasty after taste I can tell you. Of course the story doesn't end there, as the possibilities for my documents to go missing between a Bangladeshi fax machine and the greasy paws of a French tax officer are far too numerous to imagine. My final task is hence to e-mail the tax office and ask them to confirm that they have indeed received what I sent. Needless to say the Internet cafe I went to didn't have any Internet, and the other place I went to kept on having power cuts (not their fault granted) so just as I was getting somewhere the screen would go blank, I'd swear, and start all over again. Just for the record, I eventually sent them the message but haven't managed to get on-line since to find out if they've replied and that everything is OK.

We're not out of the woods yet lads.