The average number of volunteer returns for VSO is 20 percent. So, for a group of 5 full volunteers like ours, one person will quit statistically speaking and that person was Allison this week. It's all very sad for numerous reasons, foremost though as it's due to an illness in her family. It's the sort of event that brings many different thoughts and emotions to the surface. First of all, we're sad to see her go as we all really like her and she was part of our group. We realise that this isn't going to be an easy 2 years, so having a good group of friends around you who know what you're experiencing and can empathise is critical. Secondly, the personal reason for her departure makes you think about the health of those we left at home, and how that will change during our time here. I know some voluteers who clearly said goodbye to certain relatives as if it was for the last time just in case, and that can't have been an easy thing to anticipate and act upon. Finally, and this is purely intellectual, I found the thought process of whether to leave or not very interesting. It was always going to be a tough call, as you're torn between wanting to finish what you've started and being there for people you love when it matters most. Sometimes it takes time to find the right angle to analyse the problem, but when you do everything becomes so much clearer and the decision takes itself so to speak.

As part of our induction programme this week we visited the Liberation War museum. We all, I think, were quite moved by the version of events that we saw i.e. a simple people fighting for independence against an occupational force that used rape and murder as battle tactics. The Pakistani army also sought to kill off the leading intellectuals of the era hence undermining any reconstruction of the country once victory had been obtained. There was a quote over the exit that I liked and went something like this: "Let there be more tolerance and more humanity, and let's start with me".

Amongst VSO volunteers in most countries there are professional groups (i.e. groups of people doing the same sort of jobs and/or working in the same sector) that meet regularly to share experiences, knowledge and just support one another. This weekend the Business and Social Development or BSD group met for a team building session to discuss various professional issues (corruption, planning, time keeping etc.) and create informal contacts between volunteers who otherwise don't necessarily have many opportunities to meet. The weekend itself was a great success, and I personally learnt a lot about working as a management advisor in a Bangladeshi NGO and the sorts of problems I'm likely to encounter. It seemed to work as, while we are all VSO volunteers, we are not strictly speaking colleagues as we work for different organisations. We are not just friends either as we do also share the same professional interests. This combination meant we didn't get bogged down in some of the office discussions that colleagues can, while we could have serious though fun discussions about useful and real professional issues we had encountered.

One other experience I had related to the BSD weekend was the countryside we drove past to get there and back to Dhaka. It was amazing to see the plains full of crops, people fishing, children playing in the numerous ponds of water, but also the electricity pylons, phone lines and brick kilns. As an aside, Dave swears he even saw a golf course belonging to the military on our way back! Seeing all this from a passing bus window made it almost seem quite removed, like I was an invisible observer hovering above all this local activity. Having said that, it also brought home to me the fact that I am not a tourist or an observer in transit but a part of all this now, an actor in the lives of some of these people. Living in Dhaka, the capital city, can lead you to lose sight of how the majority of people live in this country, and that was the reminder I got sitting in the bus this weekend.

It's beginning to become clear to me that there is a NGO "industry" in Bangladesh that you cannot really liken to the not-for-profit sector in the West. It represents a significant proportion of the economy, and some of these organisations are enormous with thousands of staff. To give you an example, the BSD weekend I mentioned above was held at a NGO's training centre north of Dhaka. The organisation is called Proshika and is Bangladesh's 2nd largest NGO. The training centre I saw was comparable in size to IBM's european training centre outside Brussels! It's huge, though obviously the facilities are not of the same level as IBM's...

I won't teach anyone anything when I say that you learn things about yourself when in different situations. However, ever since I've become involved with VSO I've realised how "private sector" I am. What I mean by this is that I'm increasingly struck by the difference in approach and behavior between myself and at least my fellow new volunteers and VSO staff. I've never had a burning desire to volunteer, to work in development, to save the planet or work with the poor and vulnerable either at home or elsewhere. I consider myself to be quite a sensitive and involved person, though I'm now realising how my career in multinationals has made me quite tough and direct compared to many people I meet. One woman on a VSO training session admitted to being scared of me when I asked for feedback of a presentation I'd just given, and she was an experienced social worker! While I do believe that some people in development can be too intellectual , philosophising about issues without getting anything done, I'm realising how I need to sometimes soften up to be more effective, less "scary". It's all work in progress...