In the mob-ruled world of Bangladeshi politics these are not funny times. A few days ago another opposition party rally was attacked by another fanatic using another grenade. I say another as this is by no means the first time that this has happened in the last year, and the authorities seem suspiciously unable to do anything about it let alone identify the culprits or "misceants" as the local English-language papers are fond of calling them. As a direct result of this the usual response was swiftly implemented i.e. a 3 day general strike. As I type this I have just heard that another 2 day strike is also planned for the next week. Oh joy.

In my remote corner of Bangladesh you wouldn't actually know anything was different. Our rural location means we can keep the office open without being hassled by the local political thugs, and as staff mostly live nearby they have few problems in coming in to work. We are even currently hosting a training course with roughly 50 participants so it really is business as usual! BRIF is definitely in a minority though, as most of my fellow volunteers are under house arrest and their NGO's are well and truly closed.

This remote setting provoked a rather strange thought in me this week. I was walking across the veranda between my kitchen and bedroom (and yes, I have a veranda but it's not even remotely private so don't get too excited) when it suddenly occurred to me that I was feeling good, happy even. Well, maybe happy is a bit strong, but certainly contented and by and large pleased with life. And with good reason! After the cold of December and January I sense we are turning a corner towards more clement conditions, which would mean not having to wear 2 fleeces in the office, or reading under my duvet in bed basically still fully dressed. The latter isn't too bad as long as you remember to only keep one arm outside the covers and change over every few minutes or so.

More exciting still is the fact that I'm down to the last 2 months of my placement. From here on in it's all about finishing tasks, delivering training and generally crossing off all those items I've had lurking on my To-Do list for the best part of a year. I personally believe that we all feel better when we've achieved something, no matter how small, and I certainly like to have a few victories every day, no matter how trivial, to keep the moral up. I used to get this back in Paris too after cleaning the flat or finishing my ironing (now there's something I've not done much of in a while), and I know that this domestic tactic is well used by some of you reading. Work-wise we're doing well, though the strategic plan still eludes me. In fairness this is mostly due to Habib's unfortunate accident and subsequent absence from the office this last month, but it's still on the list and I will finish the damn thing even if it's the last thing I do here.

On a more personal note I've been occupying myself with a few books lately, notably Touching the Void and The Da Vinci Code. Both were cracking, though the former left me mostly with the impression that climbers are not well people that should seek help at the earliest opportunity, preferably from a qualified professional of psychiatry securely installed in a ground floor office, just in case. The Da Vinci Code was by far and away the best story I've read in a very long time, proof of which being that a relatively slow reader like me read all 490 pages in 2 days. The memories of Paris came flooding back and I'll always be a sucker for conspiracy theories involving the Catholic Church, but that's just me really.

Despite all these positive points I couldn't help seeing a more intriguing, darker side to this contented feeling. Fundamentally put, should I really be feeling happy about living in the middle of 3rd world nowhere with nothing approaching enjoyable in culinary or leisure terms being available within a 2 hour travelling radius? When I admit that these 2 hours get me to a poor Chinese restaurant in Dinajpur you'll see that a more discerning analysis would reveal a far worse situation... What is clear is that I have adopted a rather Bangladeshi approach to my position i.e. an honest acceptance of my immediate reality leading to a subconscious decision to make the most of it. Or, to put it in more brutal terms, there's fuck all I can do about it so I might as well just get on with things. It is just this philosophical approach to life, in my humble opinion, that enables the locals here to get by and even be classified as the most contented people on earth by a survey a few years ago. Given the state of the country, even before the floods, you'd think that the countryside was awash with budding Descartes and Aristotles to pull that off (it's not by the way - I've checked).

So why should this intrigue me so, even to the point of seeing a darker negative aspect? Surely such a positive approach to life is essential, healthy even, and shouldn't cause me to dwell on it any further? Welllll, as true as all that is that isn't necessarily the best attitude to have as I slowly but surely turn to the future and the weighty question of what I want to do next. Coming to Bangladesh represented a rupture with my previous choices, especially professional, and the same will I suspect be true of my next one post-Bangladesh. While I may have got this all wrong, it seems to me that what I require now is a frame of mind that is fundamentally concerned with seeking what I want, NOT accepting what I have. The patient and reasonable man that I have pragmatically become must now resurrect his unreasonable side to move onwards and hopefully upwards.

There is a far more personal side to this, and that is my isolation from friends and loved ones. Remember those bitchy e-mails I sent out a few months after I started at BRIF asking for more news from you all? They were of course ineffective, but since then I have learnt to enjoy the messages I do receive rather than thinking about those that I don't. This is definitely not how I want to live in the future, but the longer I do it the easier it gets. That scares me, and it took a slow day in Dhaka to realise just how much I miss having a good group of friends to talk to and do "stuff" with. Whatever I decide to do, and wherever I decide to go, there will be friends there and fun to be had on a regular basis. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to tweak my CV some more...